I am so sorry, Little Boy

This is the saddest entry I’ve ever written in this blog. Please don’t read it if you’re too sensitive or easily impressionable. I mean it, just don’t. Because if I was given a choice, I would have preferred to “unsee” what happened that day. But I wasn’t. So here is the story of Little Boy.

They say 2016 wasn’t good for us: too many bad things happened; too many bright people were taken away from us. And I feel very sorry for them and their families, I truly do. But if the World only knew Little Boy – then everyone would understand the true meaning of sorrow. Of all the stars gone this year, Little Boy was the brightest. I’ve given a lot of thought to whereas I should write this or not, but I feel that the World should know your story, so here it goes.

That day I was finally back to Mua, my little paradise. Mua feels like home now and it was so heart-warming to feel welcomed by everyone. I was happy to be back. Tired and hungry, I decided to go to the market so I could buy some food and I could cook myself a nice dinner. Little did I know that, that day, this wasn’t a simple stroll to the market.

When I was trying to talk with the lady from the little shop – mixing English and Chichewa, in the hopes of getting all the ingredients I wanted, something happened. Everyone started shouting and running towards the river, 2-3 minutes away. Without understanding any of their words, I followed them. In the way, I found a lady standing in the porch of her house and asked what was going on. “It seems that a child was playing in the river and drowned. They are trying to find him.”

So I rushed down the hill to see the saddest episode I’ve ever seen in my life. Around the little pod that the river forms down the valley, there was a crowd reunited. Circling the pod, everyone waited with expectation and fear for what was going to happen next. I kept walking down the little hill so I could understand what’s going on.

Three men were diving in the waters which are so much deeper than I ever thought, hoping to find Little Boy. The silence was heart-breaking. And finally we saw him. In the body of a 5 year’s old little child, life had abandoned him down that river, a few hours ago already. But I didn’t know that. So I ran to him, hoping that I could do something to save him. But I couldn’t. That tiny little body was immediately covered with pieces of fabric and the sound of crying and screaming that immediately filled the air was deafening. My heart was beating fast enough for both of us – if only that was a possibility. If only I could give you a little bit of my life so you could come back again. But I couldn’t. I will never forget the faces of everyone around me. The little girl sobbing on the floor. She was too little to know what the death of a loved-one feels like, but there she was: after watching everything that just happened – she probably waited all those hours without knowing where Little Boy was. Little did she know that he wasn’t here anymore.

I am so sorry, Little Boy. I am sorry that all the circumstances led to this and that 2016 took you – it was definitely too early for you. I am sorry that you were born in a country where running water is not a thing – but bathing in the river is. That you probably belonged to a family of several siblings and you would usually play all together – even if it was in that deep river and none of you knew how to swim. I am sorry that your parents were not around – they were probably working to try and provide you the best life they could possibly afford. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you little boy – I wish I was, I wish I could have saved you – but I couldn’t.

You didn’t get a chance to wear your new uniform on the first day of school. To play with the other kids between classes – you didn’t get a chance to find out that this is the best thing about school. You didn’t get a chance to leave Mua and find all the wonders of Malawi – the lake, the elephants, the zebras, the hippos. To have your first girlfriend, your first love, your first kiss. You were not given a chance in life Little Boy, and I am so sorry.

That night, I went to sleep hearing the sound of the drums within a distance – at the village, your family cries for you. I am sorry that the World doesn’t know you like they knew George Michael or Princess Lea. When I was asked if I knew you I firstly said no. But I actually do. You were the little boy shouting “Hello! Hello!” every time I went to the market. You were the little boy running in front of me and laughing every time I reached that little street of shops. I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to know you better. I’m sorry that the World doesn’t know you, you don’t know the World. We failed to introduce you to each other, wasn’t it?

I want you to know that I will forever hold you in a very special place of my heart. The World might not know about your story, but I do. I have shed enough tears to cover for all the people around the World, believe me. I will also smile and play with many, many kids – in your honour. Because I’m sure that’s what you wanted – a life full of happiness and joy. Tonight the sky cried for you. And after all those tears were gone, the most beautiful sky of stars appeared – I’m pretty sure there is a new star tonight. The brightest of all.

I am so sorry Little Angel, I hope you will rest in peace.

Cristina